Joc Pederson San Francisco American professional baseball outfielder signature T-Shirt

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I’m a fellow depressive here too (51m). Also on meds. Also in therapy. I do not wish to end it all though (I do wish to end the Joc Pederson San Francisco American professional baseball outfielder signature T-Shirt moreover I love this needless suffering of the mind though). My current depression is not the worse episode I have had. Seems the younger I was the stronger my depression was. I am not sure why that is. Maybe I have more tools now? Maybe I’ve been there done that? Maybe it’s because I leaned that the answer is not to think myself out of my depression, not to fight it, not to feed it? I rely too heavily on my thoughts, but those thoughts are what brought me here in the first place. My problem is I live in the past, to a time when I was a completely different person. A person I don’t even relate to or recognize. Yet I chain myself to that person, his problems, his misdeeds, his misperceptions. My goal and intention in therapy right now is to construct my past. Find my traumas and release them from my body and mind. Not that I want to live or dwell there. No. I want to construct the past so I can deconstruct myself anew and move on. Logically I don’t care about the past. But subconsciously all this stuff is still there, it’s still there somatically.

Joc Pederson San Francisco American professional baseball outfielder signature T-Shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt

So yea, I’m doing what I can. Emdr therapy. Mindfulness. Mediation. Lots of reading. I go to a local sangha and meditate with a group of people (we all need community and connection). I am a youth soccer referee (it’s hard doing this while depressed at times. A thought can overwhelm and trigger me while I’m in front of 100’s of people. But when I’m in a flow it’s meditative + exercise). Mindfulness is one of the Joc Pederson San Francisco American professional baseball outfielder signature T-Shirt moreover I love this best tools though. It gives you the wherewithal to simply observe your state, observe your feelings, observe your thoughts, then accept them and not judge them. Just be them. These things, if not grabbed onto, if not fed, will eventually pass like a cloud. Depression sucks. But it can metabolize and pass. You gotta learn to not grasp, push, or pull. Just be. Just rest in who you are and feel now. Don’t tell yourself I’m depressed and don’t want to be. That always feeds into a narrative that you are the depression and that you are lacking. Start to tell yourself “I feel depression”. Start to try and separate yourself from it. It is not your default state. It is not you.

1. Length is measured from the highest point on the collar down to the bottom hem. 2. Width is measured across the body of the shirt under the armpits, one way. 3. Sleeves are measured from center back to hem.