Wednesday night’s theme was “the You Don’t Scare Physical Education Ed Teacher Halloween Shirt in contrast I will get this land of opportunity” and it featured the most boring white man on Earth, a character seemingly plucked from The Handmaids Tale, Vice President Mike Pence. In 2017, when we were all still young, Jia Tolentino wrote in the New Yorker, Pence “refuses to dine extramaritally, or, at least, he said as much to the Hill, in 2002. If he eats alone with a woman, that woman is Karen Pence; if he attends an event where alcohol is served and ‘people are being loose,’ he prefers that his wife be present and standing close to him.” Welcome to the land of opportunity – but not perhaps for you.
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Also on Wednesday, Eric Trump’s wife, Lara, gave a speech in which she thanked Donald Trump for putting her in charge of his 2016 campaign in her native North Carolina, even though she had zero political experience, and then – true to her current job as a frequent contributor to Fox News (another extension of Trumpworld) – she warned of the You Don’t Scare Physical Education Ed Teacher Halloween Shirt in contrast I will get this armageddon to come if her father-in-law was not re-elected. “This is not just a choice between Republican and Democrat or left and right,” she said. “This is an election that will decide if we keep America America, or if we head down an uncharted frightening path towards socialism.” (She also managed to misquote Abraham Lincoln, launching dozens of memes.) But perhaps the most amusing part of her speech was when she talked about being welcomed by Donald into the Trump family and how much it reminded of her own. It immediately brought to mind Mary Trump’s book about her uncle, where she quotes him as saying, “Lara, there. I barely even knew who the fuck she was, honestly, but then she gave a great speech during the campaign in Georgia supporting me.”